When One Of Us Cried
by Eurythmatix
Summary: An NCIS wedding is about to be broken up when one member of the team believes that he is destined to be with either the bride or the groom. Find out who it is and what has happened in a world where we believe that we know how they all feel!


**Title: When One Of Us Cried**

**Type: NCIS Love.**

xoxo

The band had already started to play when I arrived in the garden. And although I knew a place was reserved for me in front, I silently slid in the row at the back, taking a chair next to an old woman. I was a man of order and respect and to arrive a little after the time, then to walk up the aisle and take my place in front…that would be disrespectful. It was as it is. I'd explain myself later.

Abby's head was visible from where I sat, the warm sunlight casting a soft light on her white veil that she had over her head. And it was always like my favorite girl to dress for the occasion whether it was black veil for a funeral or even a red hat for Valentine's Day. And I was sure that if I stood up and checked, she was wearing some article of clothing that was black. McGee was standing beside her, almost too close.

How could I have missed these things: he signs of love, understanding and acceptance between two parties that had been close to me for such a long time? The very fact that there was the existence of pairs existing within my team, but I was no one to talk. I had made that big step in becoming involved with a team member and suffering the consequences of my own rule.

It had been like that for three years where we battled our feelings, hid them and even tried to figure out what we were feeling for each other. And even though we knew love existed, the doubt between us was more enough to tear us apart. I had wanted more where less was desired of me, and the mere fact that a commitment was not in order on both sides…It had ended badly.

_I still love you, Gibbs._

_The wind was casting stray leaves around us as we stood there, the ocean roar turned down…our heartbeats turned up. And as I tried to entwine our fingers, the other pulled away…eyes lowered._

Such words…

Lifting my hands to my face, I wiped my forehead vigorously ignoring the side glances from my neighbor. And I sighed, trying to gather as much composure as I could before the memories got the most of me. Oh how many times I had head-slapped myself for breaking my own rule, and the very beliefs I had lived by for all these years. But now it was all to come to an end. I'd have no choice but to move on and forget about it all, all our memories and spent affections. I'd have to let it all go.

If the lady beside me had not nudged me, I wouldn't have even stood up as the bridal march began to play. As the soft tones of the music flowed on, the bride passed by us in her lovely white dress, looking very pretty. For a moment her dress reminded me of Shannon's dress that she wore on our wedding day. It had had a one side sleeve laced with an assortment of beads and a pair of lovely white gloves that made her hands looked almost delicate and much too doll-like. Ziva appeared the same, just as lovely and just as doll-like.

And Abby had taken her place behind her now, although there was no trail to hold up. I had guessed right for she was wearing a lovely black dress that reached down to her ankles with red laced trimmings. Her eyes were shining as she trailed behind Ziva, maybe wishing her the best and imagining what her wedding day would be like as it obviously soon approached us. But Ziva was the lucky girl today.

And my heart ached terribly, not just because her arm was taken by DiNozzo Senior instead of me but of what had happened between us. It was more than enough for me to bear all in one lifetime, the things I had gone through and how our lives had changed just because of one simple word…love. But just then her head softly turned and our eyes made four and as easy as a butterfly would flutter away without a sound, without any notice from anyone around, I diverted my eyes and looked at my clasped hands instead.

My eyes dared not meet the groom's for as Tony stood there alongside McGee, I couldn't help but know that he was thinking of me. I wanted not to stress on the topic of him having thoughts about me and where I was any longer so I chose instead to enjoy the moment as it was. It was a hard task for me, especially when we all sat down and the unwanted activity occurred even though.

Just as she took his hand and I watched the smile on his face as she stepped up to stand by him, DiNozzo's eyes met mine. And on any other day before those terrible days had passed, I would have admired those green eyes always pinched with mischief and humor. That handsome face that always wore a comical expression but could adjust to fit seriousness when the need arose. Now, when he gazed at me, those seconds that silently past between us were seconds filled with permanent unanswered questions and emotion. Our gaze held too much to bear. But we held that gaze, until the Priest stepped forward and they both turned to face him.

'She looks lovely…' someone commented to my right. I turned to face Caitlin's sister sitting beside me, a small strained smile on her face. 'Hello, Gibbs.'

'Doctor…'

She smiled. 'I suppose that I shouldn't ask why you aren't sitting in front then.'

I shrugged, my eyes focused ahead. 'Came in late.'

There was a soft shake of her head and she turned to face me, disbelief on her face. 'You expect me to believe that.'

I said nothing.

'Oh come on, Gibbs. I know about it all. And because I know', she chose to lower her voice, 'I think that you should talk to –'

'No…' I said firmly and sat up straight. 'Not going to happen.'

'Gibbs…' she urged on. 'It's going to grow, grow inside of you until you crack under keeping it in for so long.'

'Doctor, are we having a session now?' I asked and turned to her.

She just laughed softly. 'No, Gibbs. Sorry. Wrong time.'

'Ya think?' I asked and actually found myself smiling. She did as well.

'So you're going to let this happen?' she asked a while after as the Priest was now asking them to state their written vows if they had any to each other. Ziva chose to read hers. 'You're going to let her marry him and give it all up.'

'There's nothing I could do', I said softly, glad that my neighbor had gotten up, disgusted with our whispering conversation to take a seat elsewhere. 'It's what is best.'

'I don't believe this, Gibbs', she said and shook her head. 'I thought that you would have at least tried harder to get –'

'I can't make a person that already made a decision…can't make them change their minds.'

'So says one of the best interrogators of this age', she said softly, fingering her laced handkerchief. 'Maybe you need a head slap, a wakeup call or whatever you call it.

I had to laugh at that one.

'Anthony DiNozzo', the Priest was now saying, 'will you take Ziva David to be your lawfully wedded wife?'

'If you had talked to him –'

'Don't do this to me, Doc', I urged her. It was more than enough to just imagine talking to Tony. 'Don't do it.'

And as before, as he faced her, Tony turned to look at me. It wasn't a strayed glance around the crowd as if he was stalling, just being a clown and trying to be overly dramatic. He had looked directly at me. But although I wanted to look away, I couldn't do that. His stare was strong and without a doubt daring. It was as if he was waiting on me to stand up, object right there and then. But I wasn't going to do that although I felt deep down that someone should do it for me.

I knew the Doctor was looking at me. I knew she was watching to see what I would do and yet…yet I diverted my eyes and inhaled sharply.

'Gibbs, you –' I got up and cut her off midsentence, slipping around her and away as silently as I could.

Where I did go, I didn't know. I didn't have a clue but I needed to get away from it all. It was too much for me and for once in my life I realized that I had changed. Not only had I been running from a situation, I had been avoiding it and allowing it to consume me for such a long time without doing anything about it. It wasn't like me. This was not me. This was different. And just because I couldn't understand why I was acting that way, I felt terrible, almost like a loser as I chose a brick path and slowly walked up it.

I had to let her marry him. That was what he wanted, what she wanted. I couldn't get in between the two of them. How could I even face either of them after this, after what happened and forget what had happened between me and one of them? How would I cope with having memories of being romantically involved with one of them and yet try to be friends with one, both?

Sliding unto a bench next to a tree that shaded the surroundings from the sun, I sat there and tried to gather composure.

_It could have been…._

_I can't do it because it's not what we want, what we both want._

_And you know what I want? How I feel?_

_I know enough to know that I'd never make you happy._

_You do make me happy!_

_So you say…_

_I love you! You can't even look at me without thinking of –_

_Walk away…_

_I can't do that…._

_Do it and if, if this is meant to be then we'll find each other back. Go Gibbs._

_Suppose you're the one? Suppose I'm letting the one person who should be mine…who I should spend my life with, suppose I'm letting you go and you're that person?_

_Gibbs –_

_I don't want to make a mistake. I want this. I want you._

_Suppose you can't have me?_

Hands on my face, I felt distressed, distraught and terrible. I'd never get that voice out of my head, those words and those memories.

_Go back to Mexico, Gunny. Use the house. Always there for ya._

I'd go. Mike had said that I could use it. I'd go and leave everything behind. I couldn't stay here anymore longer.

I got up and stood there; breathing was even painful for me because every time I took a breath I imagined that familiar smell. I could smell that perfume right now. I could even feel those arms around me and just for that moment, it felt too real.

It was real.

'Gibbs…'

I was frozen on the spot but those hands turned me around and I stared painfully into those green eyes. And even before I could make a move, he pulled me close and our lips lay inches apart.

'You must go', I whispered softly. 'Can't do this…'

'It's not right, I know', he whispered. 'No one wants this. It's wrong. Two men…'

And with every word he said, every tone of his voice, I ached to hear more.

'She loves you', I whispered and I wasn't Gibbs anymore. I broke down, resting my forehead against him I began to shake as tears, sadness anguished me. 'Go back to her.'

'Gibbs…'

'Tony', but I couldn't breathe.

'I'm not what you need. You said that…I…wish you happiness, joy, love with her.' Bitter sweet memories surrounded me. 'But for me…All I think of is you.'

'Don't –'

'I'm not what you need. You said that.' I couldn't take anymore. 'Goodbye', I choked out and pulled away. 'I'll always love you though.' And I tried hard to laugh.

I was walking along the path now but there was the sound of padded footsteps behind me and before I knew it he had took hold of my right arm. Pulling me around to face him, Tony came in close and brought our lips together. Immediately I kissed him back and savored his taste, his touch, his scent. I couldn't believe it.

'Your wedding…' I held my palms on either side of his face, my eyes meeting his.

'I said no', he said softly. 'Couldn't do it, Gibbs. I just couldn't. I'd never be happy with her.'

'She's gonna kill me.'

He laughed. 'She'll understand eventually. Not like she never knew.'

'You're taking this so…easy', I said with our bodies against each other.

'It's either that', he said matter-of-factly, 'or me stressing now over what she's going to do to me later.'

'And now?' I asked still looking at him. 'What should we do now?'

I could see him thinking about it. But he already had it planned. 'We walk away.'

'Just like that?'

He entwined his fingers with mine. 'Just like that. Que sera sera…'

And we did just that. We walked away.

**A/N – I'm not going to lie to you. I'll never continue this. So this is the end Thanks for reading. I was just bored, trying to get over my writer's block. It kinda helped. Let me know what you think.**


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